Leah O'Donovan

Someone far smarter than me wrote a wonderful commentary today on why neither Obama nor Clinton will win the Presidency. Guess what, folks? It’s not because she’s a woman or he’s black; it’s because neither is from the south. That’s right, apparently eating fried chicken, mashed ‘taters, green beans and peach cobbler with the good ol’ boys isn’t enough to get you elected if you’re originally from the north. You need to have been raised on the stuff. You can’t go carpet-bagging your way around the southern states trying to get votes. You have to be from a southern state to get elected as a Democratic President.

Ironically, though, most southern states now tend to vote Republican. Perhaps this explains why a Democrat has to be southern to get close to getting into the White House. Southerners don’t really trust northerners (or anyone else in America for that matter) as much as they trust fellow southerners. While most southern voters are going Republican these days, a southern Democrat has a much better shot because a voter might be able to relate to him/her even if he/she isn’t a Republican. On a whole other topic, but worth mentioning, most Americans tend to vote ‘for the man’ rather than for a particular party. This might also aid my theory.

In 2000 we had two southerners to choose from. It should be pointed out, however, that Bush is originally from Connecticut and was supplanted to Texas years ago. Anyway, regardless of that both Gore and Bush were southern boys. Perhaps that’s why there were so many problems in Florida? What was a southern voter to do? Do I vote Republican because I’m conservative? But Gore’s a good ol’ southern boy too. Hmmm, which one do I choose? Hence the close election counts. Forget all the hanging chads. They were just a distraction.

The moral of the story here is if you want to win the Presidency as a Democrat you’d better be from the south. What can I say? We produce some of the best damn Democrats ever!