Oh, Guardian commentator Charlie Brooker is SO correct in his assertion that the War on Terror is nothing compared with the war on spiders. Hilarious article. You must read it. My favourite (of so many) bits
Forget rainy April or snowblown February – early September is the very worst time of year, for one simple reason: it’s spider season. Every year, right about now, thousands of the godless eight-legged bastards emerge from the bowels of hell (or the garden, whichever’s nearest) with the sole intention of tormenting humankind. To a committed arachnophobe like me, spider season is like a live-action version of the videogame Doom.
Spiders are so resolutely horrible, they don’t even have to exist to be scary…This is because spiders have precisely the same modus operandi as terrorists: they target innocent civilians at random, strike unexpectedly, and cause widespread disproportionate fear. Oh, and they often die as a result of their actions, or at least they do if I’ve got a rolled-up newspaper to hand. Spiders don’t videotape their own suicide notes before embarking on their death campaigns, but that’s only because they’re too thick to operate the controls.
I completely agree. I have noticed a few more spiders crawling around my bathroom at the moment and I don’t like it. I had to squash one with my shower gel bottle last night just as I was finishing rinsing the conditioner out of my hair. It scuttled down the wall too close to me for comfort and, therefore, it had to die. I’m not sorry. All spiders have to die at some point and many have died and will die by my hand I can guarantee you that. I’m not ashamed one bit. Nuke the bastards.
As your mother, I can vouch for everything you’ve said in the above note about spiders. I have never seen anyone kill a spider with such … such hatred before. After they are long dead you’re still hitting them. And it’s to the point that when you are finally finished I’ve had to sweep up 900 parts that were unrecognizable as to have ever been a spider, or any other bug for that matter, but especially spider!!!!!!!!!
Yep, you are a spider hater for sure!!!! Karen is so right….you pound on them until there is literally nothing left to even distinguish them as a spider!